Love jokes
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.
Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!