Look jokes

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

Your hairline looks like the Batman symbol.

Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Guys, look at the comments, omg!

What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"

Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.

What did the floor say to the ceiling?

"I look up to you."

Wanna hear a joke?

No, I'm already looking at one.

I'm looking for the bartender.

Person named Bart:

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

A telescope has two uses:

1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.