Look jokes
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Why don’t Chinese people model? Because it would look like the same model every time.
What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
Apples look better hanging on a tree.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Yo mama so ugly, she looks like a green bean with googly eyes.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)
That's it, it wasn't a joke.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?
"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."
I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.