titanic - "yo look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, lets hit her"
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months. At the funeral, a man see the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man look at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
what did the banana say to the banana
u look a-pealing
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."
"Wait, wha.."
"What?"
I’m not looking for consent, I’m looking for cooperation!
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn’t read that number and you didn’t notice that a put a letter in it, no i didn’t but you went back and looked didn’t you.
one day I came to my mom and said "MOM!!! I can make a butterfly!"
mom: "no you can't.."
me: *throws butter out the window* me: "look I made a butterfly!"
lol this isn't funny but I hope you liked it
Bros hair looks like buzz lightyear to it to infinity and beyond.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i was walking today and i saw a emo with a noose looking up at a tree i simply said " hang on there bud!"
He is looking for children if you don't know who edp445 is look him up
be careful around edp445
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile
I once saw a one handed man in a second hand store. I said to him: "i don't think they have what you're looking for sir"
So the other day I was looking up zodiac sign stuff you know im a real big fan of that and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have there own hairstyles... except cancer.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee, his dad sees this and says "i saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies "i don't care, i don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says " i saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little johnny replies "I don't care, i don't like butter anyway." Both little johnny and his dad go in for dinner, johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. little johnny looks and smiles and says "do you want to tell her or should i?"
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where's the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it's running down my legs
