"Hamlet deez nuts go into your mouth??" 😂😂😂😂😂
Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"
Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!
"Roses are red, I'm a girl, Now go and take a hike."
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"
Hi, um okay... Knock! Knock! Who's there? Doris! Doris who? Doris look I need the key!
Um...oh here another one! Okay...so sorry I type random things on these joke sites...anyway...okay. What is a book never written: "Beautiful sites of the corel rife written by the ocean!"
What if little Johnny was doing drugs?
"Johnny, Johnny?"
"Yes, Papa?"
"Eating sugar?"
"No, Papa..."
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
Roses are red, fishers are fishing,
I really hope you’ll be reported missing.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
