What's the name of a crazy crap that wins everything? Winnie da Pooh.
Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands. (This joke is good because it never gets old.)
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Stephen.
Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.
What's Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
Lionel: Leona, please no more singing your annoying Fuzzy Bear song!
Leona: But I love my song, right Fuzzy?
Fuzzy Bear: I am going to bite you for not letting your sister sing my song!
*Fuzzy Bear bites Lionel*
Lionel: AHHHHHHH
I once put the Bible in the fiction section.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
What do cannibals read?
People.
Digest Readers.
I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
