Like Jokes

My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that

I would like to tell more jokes about 911 but they always crash and burn

what did cinder Ella do when she got the ball

she gagged and took it like a champ

Serial killers be like: blood is red veins are blue, next one is YOU.

I don’t like the term rape, I prefer: struggle snuggle

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

like if u hate going to school

Mom: Daddy stop! Me: No! Mom: Ok I just wanted you do it like your father

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

I went up to the depressed kid and said, I like ya cuts G

What kind of dogs do miners like best

Golden retrievers haha get it

I dont like the term "kidnapping". I prefer "surprise adoption"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I have cancer the doctor said I have 3 days to live but I was like fuck it and killed him the jury said I have life in prison I shouted yes he said thank you you saved my life