Like jokes
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
It's ALWAYS like this
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
Why does Michael Jackson like to play golf?
He likes to hit small white balls.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.
Like if you like Logan Paul, dislike if you like Jake Paul.