Like jokes

You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.

Why am I gay?

Because I like mushrooms.

How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

Life with depression is like a cheeseburger.

It's not good without the cheese.

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.

So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.

We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

What did Trump say to Epstein? "I like my tea like I like my teens: warm, sweet, and freshly made."

What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?

They both smell like "Teen Spirit."

The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!

My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"

Comment down below, does your grandma do this?

"Time"? More like waiting.

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.