Like jokes

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

James Bond: Vodka martini.

Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.

What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.

Cemeteries are so popular! People are, like... dying to get there.

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

Why is it okay to hit orphans?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?

'Cause they're dark.

They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?

A: Because they get liked.

Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:

Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!

Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?

'Cause there are twenty of them.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.