Like jokes
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.
What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?
She gagged and took it like a champ.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!