Like jokes

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"

The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."

The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger.

Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.

25 at a time.

The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.

Black and bitter.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.

What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?

She gagged and took it like a champ.

Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."

If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.

I don’t like the term "rape," I prefer: "struggle snuggle."

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.