Like jokes

Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.

What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

I like turtles.

Why don't Indians like snow?

Because it's white all over their land.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.