Like jokes

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

How is a priest like a wristwatch?

They both start at 12.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Dark humor is like food, some just don't get it.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.

What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?

They both like lil' boys.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

It’s true women do make less money than men.

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.