Like jokes
UU looks like boobies, hehe.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
I like dildos.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
There are people weirder looking than me.
Like who?
Like people with Down syndrome.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
I like my women like a day: 24 year olds. 24 hours of fun.
Good sex sounds like a white man walking across the street with flip-flops on.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?
'Cause he's dead like their parents!
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.