Like jokes
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Germans be like, “Guten Morgan.”
Bitch, that's not my name.
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
Your mum is like a Golden Knight. She will still attack my tower with troops in the way, like Jude Porter.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
Children are like pills.
The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Roblox Brookhaven be like:
"ABC if you wanna be adopted."
"ABC if you wanna be my friend."
"ABC if you wanna be a banker."
"ABC if you wanna rob the bank."
"ABC if you wanna date."
"ABC if you wanna sex."
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"