Like jokes
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?
Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!
Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.
Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?
Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.
Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.
Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.
Brother 2: You monster.
Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?
Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.
Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.
Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!
Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.
Brother 1: Found them.
*imaginary mother and brother fade away*
Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.
Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.
A good man deserves a queen who will pussy slide on his penis casually, frig him with her thighs like a prostitute, make him laugh like a homie, cook like his mama.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
Roblox Brookhaven be like:
"ABC if you wanna be adopted."
"ABC if you wanna be my friend."
"ABC if you wanna be a banker."
"ABC if you wanna rob the bank."
"ABC if you wanna date."
"ABC if you wanna sex."
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."