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Marriage

    • Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

    Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

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    • Clay

    • Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

    It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

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    • Like memes

    Crayon

    • This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

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    • Sign

    • Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

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    • Plane

    • Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.

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    • Michael Jackson

    • Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.

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    • Cop

    • Officer: Hi, how high are you?

    Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

    Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

    Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

    Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

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