Like jokes

I've been drinking from a tall cup.

His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.

The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"

Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."

The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"

Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."

Your hairline is so discombobulated, it looks like a geometrical shape.

How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."

I don't like Twin Tower jokes. They always tend to crash and burn.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

Why is life like penises?

Women make it hard.

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I like mangoes.

Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

What happens at the orphanage be like:

The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”

Why don’t orphans like baseball?

They have no home to run to.