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Hairline

  • Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

  • 2
  • Time

  • The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

    That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

    He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

    Plane

  • Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.

    Life

  • I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!