The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”
Orphans are like a trash can; they live outside.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's fingers!
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.
Would you like some wine with those French cries?
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
