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Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.

Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones.

North Tower: "Hey, South Tower, we can talk later; I gotta catch a plane!"

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.

Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.

Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.

My life is like... the shoe rack-

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.