Like jokes

What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?

A Mexican.

So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

Your face is horrific like the state of the Twin Towers.

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

Your hairline [is] so bad it went down like the Twin Towers.

Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Like if depressed.

Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.

Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

Why that Nun didn't like Virgin Mary?

Because she was straight into Jesus.

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.