My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
A funny joke scenario.
Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.
Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."
Trashy pig woman: "Why?"
Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
