Like jokes
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
"Send me back, I never liked you."
I like playing with Yoyos, because at least they always come back.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?
Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.
Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.
Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<
Guy 1: Like I do care :$
Guy 3: But I do care :<
Guy 1: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
Guy 2: But you do care about me.
Guy 3: No.
Guy 2: F*ck you.
Guy 3: Do it.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
You look like a burger.
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.