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Why don’t clams like to share?

Because they’re very shellfish.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

"Fucking cracker and you smell like fish!"

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.

My name is Justin. I like dick. Lit? Let me eat you out like?

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

Would you like a piece of Africa?

Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.