Like jokes

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?

They would hang themselves like ornaments.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes.

"Simon says touch your chin."

The fat people be like, "Which one?"

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.

I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)

What do orphans like to watch? Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Will Smith's slap was like 9/11. It came in unexpectedly and will go down in history.

Why don't Mexicans like winter? They're afraid of ice.

I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.

I like dildos.

How is sports like regular life for orphans?

They don't get picked for either.

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

I read a quote about the Twin Towers that hit me like a plane.

Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?

Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!

He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.