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Dementia

  • Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

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    Sex

  • Why is sex like math?

    You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

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    Therapy

  • I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

    Depression

  • I forgot you can't make depression jokes outside of Twitter, lmao. My coworker was like, "You ready for this year to be over?"

    I was like, "I'm ready for this life to be over." He was like, "Bro, what?"

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    Satan

  • Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

    Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

    Therapist: That's not so bad.

    Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

    Disco

  • What does a disabled disco play?

    "When your legs don’t work like they used to before."

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    Religion

  • God = what I hope to be.

    Devil = what I can't accept.

    I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

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