Like jokes

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?

'Cause he's dead like their parents!

I like my women like I like my traction control: disabled.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

"Autism be like..."

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"

"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."