Life jokes
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
A: Who can tell me a joke?
B: Life.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret
"Why?" - Depressed boy
"Because he got ran over." - Margaret
"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy
My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their family.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
What did the tree do to the emo? Left her hanging.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.