If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
Go touch some grass, bro.
My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?
Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.
What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?
A cabbage patch.
Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
Yo mama so stupid, your mama thinks that VR is real life.
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome then in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life on the rhyme side!
