Life jokes

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

How did you get that? Used your life savings?

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?

Answer: alive.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

There was a blind man. He was blind. Ha, sucks for him.

There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.

Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?