Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Radiohead had to remake Fake Plastic Trees after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life ten when I woke up my wife was gone.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up everyday living a sane life!
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together. Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house. Police: ... Child: 😊 Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
there was always that one SPECIFIC person u THOUGHT ruined ur life,but it turns out ur life has always been ruined by u being in it..
I've been hit by several things in my life. Sadly, never a car.
Dad: Hey son wanna here a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbors dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life son! My life is the joke.
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
For boys Life is a lot like a penis simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard😩😉😏
life would be so much easier if grass was emo
because it would cut itself
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
"Don't worry! Life goes on" "Yeah that's what's had me worried"
Im at my happiest point in life im dating someone thats autistic, and i was just saying i needed someone special in my life.
Q. what movie represents a orphans life?
A. Spiderman No Way Home
I have a the best life coach ever, because he taught to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
