Life jokes

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What’s an orphan's favorite event?

Homecoming.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

Get a head in life by decapitating someone.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.