Life jokes

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.

And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

What’s an orphan's favorite event?

Homecoming.

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What are the three worst years of a black child's life?

First grade!

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!

Why am I so successful?

When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

Get a head in life by decapitating someone.