What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What’s an orphan's favorite event?
Homecoming.
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
Why couldn’t the orphan find home?
Didn’t have eyes.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
