Life jokes
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
Orphan, they're enough of a joke.
What will make a depressed teenager happy?
A cliff.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
What did the tree do to the emo?
He left him hanging.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To because he wanted to find home >:D
Why can't the orphan eat Doritos?
They were all family sized!
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
Man dies.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
You could hold your breath for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball?
He had no-body to go with.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.