Life jokes

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

My dad just comes and goes.

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.