Life jokes

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

My dad just comes and goes.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?

They both can't see their parents.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

Police: ... Child: 😊

Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.