Life jokes
I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.
My dad just comes and goes.
Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.
Because it would cut itself.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.