whats the difference between life and death......life hurts
What's Thanos' favorite game? Half-life
I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".
Me: I have lost it.
Random: Lost what?
Me: My will to live.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
How do you know when an orphan is lying.
When they say I swear on my mother’s life
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Website: Submit a joke :-) Me: My life.
dentist: open up sir
me:so..i hate my life my family my sisters my dog my cat and i tried to take a bath with my toaster but my dog took it that's why i hate my dog and my cat died trying to chew my rope it choked.....yea
dentist: i.. meant your mouth .. so i can clean your teeth
me: :O ohhhh my bad
dentist : do u need help??
me: yep
dentist:...
me: ....
I liked my life when I first got it.....later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
My father said I'm to reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support
*My mom trying to get me to do dishes*
Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.
Me: Why did you?
Mom: I was very drunk...
Explains a lot...
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous",
I'm dying to live forever !
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Death once had a near chuck experience.
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
--> I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
--> I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
--> and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
-->and for those who have just given up
• fuck
This is beautiful
A boy breaks a vase and his mom says its ok honey mistakes happen how do you think you were born
Dont worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head
