BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
Life Jokes
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
I’ve seen more life in a trampled garden gnome than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Why was the rapper always the life of the party?
Because they knew how to DROP the BEAT!
Why was the rapper always happy?
Because he lived life on the rhyme side!
I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
