BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
You have 10 to live.
“Wait, as in 10 minutes?”
10, 9, 8...
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
Why does this exist
Roses are red Violets are fine Why is your life So much better then mine
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
When people ask my age, this is what I do.
“🥱 I DON’T CARE.... ÆAHAHAHAHAHAÆAAÆ!”
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
