Life jokes

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Life's full of ups and downs :D <3

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

What do you call a Black man having a seizure?

Chocolate shake.

You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?

VEGETABLE OIL!

You know I wish life was shorter?

I want it over.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.