Life jokes

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

What do you call a Black man having a seizure?

Chocolate shake.

You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?

VEGETABLE OIL!

You know I wish life was shorter?

I want it over.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Why don't you have a life?

Because you're ugly.

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.