Life jokes
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
You will remember reading this for the rest of your life.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
You know I wish life was shorter?
I want it over.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Why don't you have a life?
Because you're ugly.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.