I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me...it turns out that she was lying.
a man dies and goes to heaven he sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for, he replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. he said that mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincon's once, and George Washington's never. the man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Bidden's is the one keeping the hurricane's to speed
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
When is a rape victim right?
When she admits she lied
To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
Little mickel was on a tree he feel down and hurt his knee he sat down and started to cry and from there he would never lie
What did the lady say when she sat on Pinocchio face: Tell a truth tell a lie tell a truth tell a lie tell a truth
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Why did a orphan say I'm wanted? because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood His hand caught on fire
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
Life asked death "why do people choose you over me?" death replied "because your the beautiful lie and i'm the painful truth."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
What do you call a lying Mexican?
Pinocchico
Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you they don't laugh.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube
