To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
we all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when : 1 he staring mighty hard at yall. 2 when your friend know you gon get your *ss beat. 3 when your friend say he not gon jump in ( you know he lying.
Bf:Hey what ya doing?
Gf:just lying in bed
Bf:just lying in bed?
Gf:and eating cereal
Bf:Ha nice,what would you do if i was in bed next to you...?
Gf:eat my cereal
Bf:i mean if the cereal wasnt there
Gf:id get out of bed and get more cereal
So I was playing on my phone and my mom said to go and take the trash out so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said”mom told me to” and when I came back in my mom said not to do that every again but then I told her that she says not to lie so I was doing the right thing👍
my teacher called me beautiful i hate when she lies
Normal Kids: Today is a lovely day Emo kids: Here lies Chris he shot himself
Q. How do you know when Putin is lying ? A. His lips move
Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa, Give away my Money, No Papa, Telling Lies, OK Ima Check my Bank Account
dad: Johnny Johnny? Johnny: Yes papa dad:Getting women? Johnny:yes papa dad: Telling lies? Johnny:no papa dad:Well your 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN
A student asked a teacher how do you pronounce this word it's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D. The teacher was about to answer but then the student said, "actually I know how to pronounce it, I lied," (allied)
Life asked death "why do people choose you over me?" death replied "because your the beautiful lie and i'm the painful truth."
Little mickel was on a tree he feel down and hurt his knee he sat down and started to cry and from there he would never lie
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can't leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe".
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
