Legs jokes

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names.

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?

Shit on a stick.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

What does a man have 3 of, which a girl only has 2 of?

Legs.

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

Roses are red, lemons are sour.

Open your legs and give me an hour.

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

What did the father name his daughter with no legs?

Peggy.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What do you call a girl with no legs?

Unshakeable.

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

What do you call a pedo with no legs? A creepy crawly.