Legs jokes
What did the bus driver say to the lady with one leg?
Hop on.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
What has 2 legs and walks? A human.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Handicapped jokes are so cruel.
I can't stand them!
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
What has four legs and works at McDonald's?
The remaining members of Nirvana.
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...