Left Jokes

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Jo Mama is so fat, I left her printing last year, and she is still printing!

Why did the lonely fish get a detention? Because he left the school.

There once was a man that wanted to join a group of right-handed men, but he wrote with the other hand. He got left behind.

Mario: Princess Peach got kidnapped again!

Luigi: Where did they go?

Mario: To the left.

Luigi: Fuck

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

Me: Joe left today.

Orphan: Who's Joe?

Me: Joe mama!

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

Your mama's so fat that when she went to space, there was no space left.

Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?