I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2 how many you have left? 0 because you have 20 and and take away 2 you have 0 left.

What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon.He tells those who believe in god to stand up and leave.To the children who don’t leave ,he says ,"Do not worry my children,I shall make thou ‘hole-y’ as well."He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

A killer gone up to 5 people and kill 4 of them there were 2 couples and 1 3rd wheel the 5th one was left single out…

my dad left me

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when i got out i noticed he was left for bread, i felt so guilty, he was toast. I’m not loafing this

Look at your left hand now look at your right hand an tell your self what hand do you cheat with !


Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guys body they notice when they walk over he has a boner the first doctor decides why not fuck him he still has a boner left in him the 2nd says well he’s dead and I I’m a virgin the 3d one says I can’t I’m on my period and then says okey why not he already dead it’s not like he doesn’t smell bad after all that they go to walk out and the guy pops up and says thanks for saveing my life pumping blood back into my body…

doctor: i’m sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left. man: what?! what about my family??! my son is still missing! i can’t just leave like that! doctor: don’t worry sir, i told your family. man: that’s… great… if they found my son, tell them that i love him more than anything and i couldn’t keep that promise. the doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes. doctor: i will… dad…

tq for reading my crappy joke

i thought i told u the lock up when i left this morning this is why our shit gets stolen all the time

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.


A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse’s pain to the father’s nervous system. He agrees and the doctors turn to dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said "Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight! She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow And he said “yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts”

What do you call a octupus whos father left octobyeyo

9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse. 2 people bought plants. 3 people bought shovels. 1 person yelled. 3 people left Bunnings Warehouse. 1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Over summer I shot up my school and left a note saying. “I could have done this anytime”.

Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?

He was all right.

Are you guys alright ? if you answered yes then you are wrong You are all LEFT kill meh (This joke was taken from dat none funny b*tch on britains got talent)