Left jokes

Some jokes are best left not harassed by those who are offended by them.

For I have everyone's IP address.

Chess board White: right Black: left Yellow: invading

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

That last brain cell must've been your dad, because it left without you knowing.

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

"Between you and me, something smells!"

You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?

He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.

I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.

Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"

The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.

Why was the stadium so hot?

Because all the fans left!

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.

A depressed kid went to go high five a tree.

But the tree left him hanging.

An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."