Law jokes
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
KK or Liv?
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.