Law jokes
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
Carly: Hey do [you] want to have sex? [Age] (43)
Zina: No! [Age] (10)
Carly: Good cause I can make you do it anyway! [Age] (43)
What do you spot in this place that [is] gay!
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.
"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Guys, you know any best rape roleplay? (I'm a guy, btw.)
These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.