Law Jokes

I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.

What is George Floyd's pickup line?

You are breathtaking.

murder

The image shows a children's book cover. The title reads, "Everything I Want to Do Is Illegal." Below, there is an illustration of a farm with animals, a red barn, a farmer, and a red truck. There is also a soldier with a weapon and an American flag.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

Your forehead got a restraining order from your hairline.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Why do most orphans rob banks?

Because they just want to feel wanted.

You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.