Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?
A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
