Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
