Law jokes

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

Incest.

When your genealogy chart is a straight line.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

If the government can print money,

Then why are we paying taxes?

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."

If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!