Law jokes
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
Legally Blonde.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack.
7 little children gathered around the bed Bill Cosby's fantasy.
All he wants to do is tickle the kids, it's as plain as can be.
7 cellmates gathered around the bed ready to rape Bill Cosby instead.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
Hippity Hoppity, women are my property.
Bippity Boppity, get the f*ck off my property!
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.