Law jokes
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?
No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
What do you call an empty police station?
Banana Chicken.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
There's only one gender. Women are property.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.