What do you call an empty police station?
Banana Chicken.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
There's only one gender. Women are property.
Why did the person go to jail?
He committed a crime.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?
ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won’t believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
Legally Blonde.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
