Law jokes

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

Did you hear about the bank robber?

Turns out he got shot by the police.

And he wound up in prison.

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

My teacher is a rapist.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

What's the difference between Axne and a priest??

One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.

Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?

To tie his kangaroo down, sport!

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."

"Did I do that?"

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.

I raped your mom. I flipped her upside down and called the position "wow."

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?

A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

(5 seconds later)

Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?

Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.