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Law Enforcement

Law Enforcement jokes

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.

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    • I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

    The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

    'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

    The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

  • 1

    • Police: Where do you live?

    Me: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live?

    Me: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live?

    Me: Together.

    Police: Where is your house?

    Me: Next to my neighbor.

    Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

    Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

    Police: Tell me.

    Me: Next to my house.

  • 4

    • What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.

    The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

    A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

    A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

    I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.

    Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

    A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

    Things you never want to do in jail:

    - Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

  • 3

    • A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

    Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

    She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

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