Law Enforcement jokes

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

Mosely in a white van.

Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

What’s a homo police dog?

A gay-9.

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?

Ivana Pulyova.

Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.