Laughter jokes
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
I'm autistic, and I find these so funny.
What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!
Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.
Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.
He didn't get the job.
Me and my friend were duck hunting.
He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
1 "Knock knock."
2 "Who's there?"
1 "Interrupting physicist."
2 "Interrupting who?"
1 "Muon!!!"
Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)