Laughter jokes
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
This disabled girl started rolling after me, so I ran to the stairs. 🤣🤣 LOL
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
Because they cut deep.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?
"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?